Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize