P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
