you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
