: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
