The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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