in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
