i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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