Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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