You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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