i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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