i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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