I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
