did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize