The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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