I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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