his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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