it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize