If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
