oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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