Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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