do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
