she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
