I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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