you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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