it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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