Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
