I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
