What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
