there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
