Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
