I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
