U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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