Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
