I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
