thus making me awesome and them whores
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
