a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Small penises have feelings too.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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