I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
