dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
