so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
