they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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