If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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