Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
