Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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