DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
