Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
