I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
