I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize