highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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