Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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