i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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