im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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