I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
