My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
