Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
