i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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