Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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