they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
