My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
