I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
