no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize