I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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