Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
