im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
