his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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