we have officially lost it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
