I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nutella sex= disaster
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
