I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
