I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
